From the Vaults: illustrations for Wicked Grounds.

As I work on organizing images for the book, I am finding all kinds of forgotten art.

And I mean literally forgotten, from when my MECFS/burnout was so bad I have no memory of making most of these! Back in 2009, a few months before Wicked Grounds opened, I met with Rose and Ryan to talk about drawing postcards for the cafe to sell.

Everything was so organized back then, before the actual opening!

There was a contract I signed and everything. The postcards were about the concept of service, and never went any further than these roughs. I like the detail of the espresso machine and milkshake machine in the top drawing, though I am shocked and appalled at how I drew the “default people” as white, abled and slim.

Latte art at Wicked Grounds in San Francisco. Michealangelo S. via Yelp

Someone else, with much better graphic design skills than me, drew the awesome logo.

Funny thing about opening a restaurant, always: once it starts, no matter how good your plans were, you can’t find your ass with both hands.

San Francisco did not make it easy to open Wicked Grounds. Anyway it was a nice meeting, and ultimately led to me working at Wicked Grounds as an employee in September of that year. After a brutal divorce, losing my Berkeley home and my freelance business and then losing my apartment and being taken in by a beloved Friend-Muse-Patron, I was shattered. I needed connection and community.

Wicked Grounds was my refuge.

I made wonderful friends (many of them seggs workers), got a sweet new boyfriend, reconnected at depth with kink culture and fell even deeper in love with amazing seggs worker spirit. And then I met my husband while working there.

So basically WG saved my life on so many levels.

And I know Wicked Grounds helped a lot of others.

Blessed memories. Sweet kinksters. Puppies frolicking in the back of the cafe where we’d pulled the tables away, drinking milkshakes from dog bowls and shaking the floor with their leaps. “Sanitize as necessary”. Making out with my young boyfriend as we pulled espresso shots!

Live queer porn shoots in the cafe, sign on the door “Closed for porn shoot”. Hot and sweaty Folsom Sunday when we were all topless, wearing just Wicked Grounds stickers on our nipples! Meeting my brother-from-another-mother Mickey Mod, KC and so many more.

Jared from DNA gave me the sobriquet “Velocicougar” – “My God, it can open a door!”

Thanksgiving, Collaring my boy. Our staff Christmas party, and New Years Eve 2009, when my boy and I had the cafe all to ourselves. Candy cane whips, stingy not thuddy!

Leather elders meeting in the cafe. Littles playing! So much beautiful kink scene. So much glorious SOMA leather spirit.

Although the physical cafe is sadly closed, the team is still very active, creating educational content, events and classes in a new space, and Patreon community. The Wicked Grounds website has books, classes, calendar of events, toys and more.

You can find Wicked Grounds online on the website, twitter, Instagram, and on Patreon.

You can watch me talk about those days, at Bawdy Storytelling!

As I wind down my life’s work and work on creating a book of my art, you can follow me on substack (free of course) for updates about the book, art bequests and more.

I am incredibly grateful to my Patreon Patronswhose monthly financial support in this final year makes it possible for me to document my art archives.

MECFS Awareness Day 2024: Suz for GoBlueforMECFS by Geiler Scheiss.

Suzanne Forbes, a fat white woman dressed in elaborate Victorian velvet finery, poses on a foutain, photographed by Geiler Scheiss, May 2024I am so grateful my friend Geiler Scheiss made this photo session of me forGo Blue For MECFS“.

I am acutely aware of how much suffering is happening in the world, and so aware of what is to come. The disease I have, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or ME, is exploding worldwide. And the people who are suffering right now, if they survive, are the people most likely to get it.

Being traumatized, starved, injured and repeatedly infected with viruses, bacteria and fungi, makes people much more likely to develop Long Covid and its most severe version, MECFS.

Bisan Owda's post on Instagram describing the disease burden inflicted on the people of Gaza.MECFS is a disease that impacts marginalized people first.

Bisan Owda, above, describes the immunological impact of trauma, starvation, and repeat infection. Suffering is an inflammatory state, and ME is triggered by illness, inflammation and nervous system dysregulation.

Suzanne, a fat white woman wearing blue Victorian finery, lounges on a fountain.ME is seen as a white woman’s disease because white women are the people who have the privilege to actually BE sick and seek care while having it.

VAFAB People of the Global Majority are even more likely than white AFABs to be dismissed, gaslit, medically abused and medically neglected when they report ME symptoms.

PoTGM/BIPOC people, who are much less likely to be able to stop working and be sick for years, are instead worked to death by the systems they are forced to live under.

Many die young, undiagnosed.

At 57, I’m one year past the average lifespan of a PwME or Person with ME. I’ve been preserved by family, friends, privilege.

And I’ve been guided and educated by the ME community and the disability community. I am a better person for having this disease and being in this community, and I’m grateful for it. Strange but true. The wisdom of the disabled community is most transformative thing I’ve ever known.

The courage of our advocates is a huge part of it.

And why do we need them? Because this. Our disease has been ignored, stigmatized, denied, psychologized, and above all underfunded and under researched since the first big outbreak in 1955.

One of our valued experts Nancy Klimas, a professor of microbiology and immunology, has said: “My H.I.V. patients for the most part are hale and hearty thanks to three decades of intense and excellent research and billions of dollars invested. Many of my ME/CFS patients, on the other hand, are terribly ill and unable to work or participate in the care of their families. I split my clinical time between the two illnesses, and I can tell you if I had to choose between the two illnesses (in 2009) I would rather have H.I.V.”

When there is any research, it has centered white women.

It’s essential to see the BIPOC women who work to make ME known to the world and get help.

Their leadership makes such a difference for all of us.

One of our most precious advocates, activists and leaders is Wilhelmina Jenkins, who has been fighting for herself and other ME patients since 1983.

Here she’s talking to Time about Black women and Long Covid. This article features Wilhelmina, Cynthia Adinig, Ashanti Daniel and Chimére L. Sweeney, all leaders doing crucial work in ME and Long Covid.

You can find Wilhelmina on twitter, Instagram, facebook and youtube.

Her incredible 2019 piece about her experience and her work to make Black people living with ME visible is here on MEAction.net.

Here’s Wilhelmina doing a webinar for SolveME in 2012!

Jen Brea has made a huge difference in ME visibility over the past decade plus, with her film Unrest, TED talk, advocacy and more.

Jen Brea got sick, as we call it, back in 2011. Her TED talk was the first ever about ME, and Unrest won a Sundance award and many others, has been on Netflix and has helped so many people learn about ME. You can watch it for free on Youtube now!

And Quella is making learning ME science fun, and funny!

A slide from Instagram of Quella, a young East Asian woman, as she tells her Myalgic Encephalomyelitis story May 2024Left, amazing advocate Quella, a medical researcher and proud med school dropout. Here she describes how migration trauma primes the pump for MECFS.

Quella is teaching us all so much. Unpaid, while sick.

Living in Aotearoa, Quella has access to medical care that’s as good as it gets for us. But MECFS has no official treatment in any nation of the world. And despite being a medical student, she has been medically abused and maltreated by doctors galore.

I would not have thought it was possible to make hilarious and engaging “reels” about any of our symptoms, let alone the nastiest, but Raquel Parackal, aka Quella, does it.

Living with ME means becoming your own doctor, your own researcher, your own medical trauma therapist.

I couldn’t do it without our community. And GoBlueForMECFS, who created this annual event, is a big part of it. The folks behind the account did an incredible job this year raising awareness, foregrounding the diversity of ME patients, making graphics, and of course sharing so many GoBlueForME posts!

We have to make progress on this disease, The whole world is going to need it.

Above, a newspaper article from thirty-eight years ago today, 1986, the year I got sick.

I’m still sick, still fighting.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to Geiler Scheiss, who supported me so kindly and gently as they made the beautiful photographs.

Instagram here, it might be a little spicy for some workplaces!

Here is my last year’s GoBlueForME blog post, Last year’s highlights of all the dear ones who did GoBlueforME posts, and a lovely one from Beloved Friend, Muse and Patron Sebastian, for 2024.

Here are some resources:

MEAction’s Resource list.

Mepedia

Health Rising is our favorite site for ME research news

Deutsche Gesellschaft für ME/CFS (German Association for ME/CFS) Run by volunteers, that’s how fucking underfunded this disease is!

And there’s so much more to say, but again, I am exhausted.